Wow....been a LONG time since I updated this thing. Well...A lot HAS happened I guess. I'm in another band up here. We completely a different style then Bleaker (band In GA). We're more towards metal. I'm doing it because it's fun going all wild with shows and everything. And they're all in college, so we drink ALL the time. hahaha, it's good times. But yeah...I miss Bleaker SOOO fucking much though. nothing'll EVER compare to that. I have court coming up REAL soon. and I am NOT looking forward to it. I'm actually scared. I'm not good at writing like this. It's easier for me to write in poetic form.

My days are many
Til' I get my return
To true happiness and comfort
For now
I'm walking down what seems to be an endless road
But I know that there's an end
A light
So bright that I can see it the whole way
This is my guide
What keeps me going
Knowing that in time I will have my happiness
I will have my life
I'm not unhappy
I'm making this walk with a smile
Because I know
That when I make it
Through all the obstacles that lay in my path
I will be stronger and wiser
Nothing will be able to destroy me
Not pain
Not law
Not love
Not death
I fear nothing
This walk is long
But I know that I will make it to the end

I wish I could let you all feel just exactly what I feel. The way I get when I am together, playing with my heart (the band). I wish you all could see the things I see, and get as much out of it as I do. But...unfortunately that can't happen just yet. One day it will though. One day we will be playing for you all. It is my dream, my destiny. To play up on that stage. It is what I live for. My day and my night. My every thought. It is what I am and will be. My dream WILL be my reality. Soon enough you all will know. Soon enough I will BE my dream.

This weekend was pretty awesome. I went out to Oswego to spend the weekend with my buddy Chris. We went to the movies Friday and hung out with some real cool people. I def. had a good time. And then Saturday we went to a poker tournament. Didn't win anything, but only lost 5 so it's all good. Got another tournament this saturday. Sunday we just hung out with Bre and Katrini. Same as Sat. night, and played more cards. Yeah...LOTS of cards this weekend. TEXAS-HOLD'EM is the SHIT!. best poker game ever. I'm prob. going to start school either Friday or Monday next week. I thought it was today, but...we didn't have an appoitment yet to pick my schedule and everything. So...gotta do that Thurs. morning. And THEN...i get to finally go to hell school...so yeah...bye

I feel lost. I have no idea where i'm going or what i'm going to do. I feel as if my near future is nothing but waste. Complete waste. What's in it for me? What will come out of it? I can't see anything. I feel no reason, no purpose. And I hate it. I need SOMETHING! I'm so distant from myself. Wake every day, and do nothing. WHAT GOOD IS THAT!. Someone once said "live to be free"...well, I'm living, but I sure the hell ain't free. I barely even know what it means anymore. I feel like I'm missing SO much. I know i'm not going insane. There is one thing, one thing that keeps me waking up. Pumps my heart. Moves my body. But, that too I think is fading. And it kills me. It haunts me to think I may lose it. With it, I know I could make it through this with "flying colors"

this weekend was pretty cool. I went sledding, hung with my cousin, and stayed the night at Amy's. Good times good times. As long as that keeps up, then i'll make it here quite easy. It's when I get bored that I start to think too much and blah blah... i'm sure you all understand. This next weekend I'm most likely gonna go out to Chris' house and party it up with him. It'll be good times. Always is. I jammed with my dad's band saturday night. It was pretty awesome. But...not even CLOSE to what it's like to jam with my band. We're definately better : )...But, that's just a given lol. Hopefully this week won't be too boring. I plan on getting drunk today..cause I'm all alone and shit. And, I think I'm gonna see what happens when I get drunk alone. lol, I've never done it before. So...wish me luck lol.